she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
