I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
