You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
