she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
