Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
