nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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