if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
