Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think I sprained my soul last night
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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