I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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