I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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