Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
