What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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