she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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