my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
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it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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