oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
