I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
