So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
