Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
