ya dads aren't the best wingmen
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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