and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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