Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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