i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
