we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
