Someone shit on the floor
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
