guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
