found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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