so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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