there's paper in my vomit.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
