I hate your face
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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