3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
