His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I know her cup size but not her name....
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
