Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
