OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
