I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize