what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
