dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
zippers are such a cool invention
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
