Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
