she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
