We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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