apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
