cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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