Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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