I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
