Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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