i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
