You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
