Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize