if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
