Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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