the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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