I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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