i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
