ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So many bounce houses so little time
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
