WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
