thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
