I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
