Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
