you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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