Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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