Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
