is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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