i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
