im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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