This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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