Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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