Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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