I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
