god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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