Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
