Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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