hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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