My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
