Who wears a wallet chain?!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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