I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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