So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
