My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
