I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
