I am puke
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
