I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
