i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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