no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
