but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
